Monday, September 10, 2012

Chucking it all....

Happy Monday!  At least I think.  The excitement and newness of the school year has apparently worn off and my children were less than pleased to be dropped off for academics this morning.  It made me sad.  A big part of me wants to see my children always happy, always smiling, excited and refreshed.  Realistically, I know this is not life.  A huge part of life is suffering the daily grind, going to school or work even when we don't want to go.  A big life lesson is that sometimes, we just need to show up.  We don't need to be happy or excited about it - we just need to be there.  And, we need to try our best, give it our all, even when we don't feel like it.  That's a hard lesson. 

I had a refresher course in that lesson this morning.  Yesterday, an icky-yuck thing happened and I wanted to just chuck it all.  I really wanted to shut down the blog, close up my etsy site, crawl under the covers and hide from the dark side of humanity.  But after a not-so-decent night's sleep and the chat I had with my youngest about putting one foot in front of the other, even when it's not easy, I decided to try, try again.  Still, it's not easy.

So I have a hand hooked, primitive rug on etsy that I spent nearly a year making.  It measures something like 32 x 64 and was one of the biggest challenges of my textile career.  I really can't assign a value to this rug, but I looked for similar rugs on etsy and priced it at $1,100.  I know, I know...that's a ton.  I may actually have more than $1,100 worth of wool in this rug and I couldn't even begin to count the hours I spent pulling loops.  But I decided to put it on etsy just to see if people liked it (they seem to) and if it sells, it sells, if not, well, I think it looks terrific in our family room.  Anyway, I had a hit on the rug yesterday from a seemingly interested buyer.  Well, you know the old saying, "if it seems too good to be true".......... and it was.  Later in the day, we discovered that this interested "buyer" was actually a scammer, trying to either get cash or a free rug we're really not sure which.  After being so incredibly excited at having possibly sold the rug, it was such a major let down to find out that the person wasn't interested in the rug, only in running a scam.

This whole experience made me feel very vulnerable and actually kind of scared.  It made me wonder about the sort of person who would go on etsy and try to scam from someone who has poured their heart into making something.  It made me question the work I do everyday, the crafting and writing and constantly thinking about what to make next for people to enjoy, to use, to cherish. 

And, so, this morning, my original idea really was to give up and hide under the covers -- that is, after I took the kids to school and lectured them about the power of positive thinking, trying your best and giving it your all, regardless of the circumstance!  And then my youngest and I had that conversation and I came home to finish these shoes, Zentangled with Bible Verses.  As I was putting the laces on them and re-reading some of the Bible verses I sketched, I realized that for my children, I'd like to be that person who does run away at the first sign up trouble.  After all, the Apostle Paul wrote while chained in prison.  Jesus ministered to people walking up Calvary, beaten and bearing a wooden cross.  My little incident yesterday was a blip on the radar of my life, my craft, my writings. 

And so, on this absolutely gorgeous Fall Monday morning, I am back at it, writing, crafting and being a mom.  It's not easy, but oh so completely worth it. 

Here's to a Blessed week, the Fall breeze and all that is good and true and pure in life.

~ Kathleen

1 comment:

  1. That happened all the time at my last office job. I try and think of what situation and life experiences would drive a person to this and I feel badly for them.