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Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Day 17

I still haven't quite gotten over my overwhelming sense of thanks and gratitude for having our power restored.  Every time I go to flip on a light switch, I find myself holding my breath, silently praying it will turn on.  There is NOTHING like not having something to enhance our gratitude....in a way, I suppose, that is a sad thing.  I have to wonder how very much we take for granted each and every day, assuming that since we paid the bill, the heat will go on.  But in a way, isn't it also a matter of faith?  We have faith that when we flip the switch the light will go on.  When the weather man predicts a -0- degree day, we have faith that the heat will warm the house.  I can't imagine what life would be like if we had to constantly question whether the every day things would work, if the car would start, if the roads would be clear, if the plumbing would cooperate.

I kind of think our faith in God works much the same way.  Things are going along swimmingly and I know God is there, I know He is behind me, supporting me, cheering me on.  But I can tell you, after day 2 of no power, I was seriously doubting His existence.  Silly, silly of me, I know and so immature.  Just when I think I've become this woman of great and mature faith, a woman of God, we lose power for a few hours and my faith falls apart.  I am ashamed to admit it.  Just thinking about this, makes my cheeks burn crimson and frankly, scares me to death.  I have to wonder:  what if something really and truly bad happened to me....would my thin line of faith hold?  Would I know God was there and that He wasn't just my cheerleader, but that He was holding me, loving me, supporting me, regardless?  Would I fall on Him, run to Him, BE with Him? 

I know the answer, of course, is yes.  Really and truly bad things have happened and He was there.  I knew He was there.  I've cried and grieved, screamed and yelled, fallen down and felt His love none-the-less.  I've even been mad at God, blaming Him for the bad and still, despite it all, despite my immature actions and faith, I've felt it.  I've felt HIS LOVE, known with every fiber of my being that He was there, not just with me, but UPholding me. 

Without power, I was cold and uncomfortable, sitting in bleak darkness in the middle of December.  Without Him....frankly, that is just too scary to even consider.

Until Next Time,
Kathleen

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